9JA Issues: A one night stand before my wedding, Advice needed


Hi all, “
Here’s my story: “
I started going out with my current girlfriend 9 years ago. We are both in our 30s. It hasn’t always been a
smooth relationship but we both feel we have something special that keeps us together through thick and thin.“

Before we met she was more sexually experienced than I. My previous relationships have always been very long-
term so I haven’t had many partners in my life. Because of this I had always wondered what it would be
like to have a one-night stand with a complete stranger (she has had this before we met), and 3 years
ago while I was on holiday with a mate this happened after a night of heavy drinking.

The next day I was riddled with extreme guilt but I couldn’t bring myself to tell my girl. Her father cheated
on her mother many times when she was young and eventually abandoned them to be with someone else. My
girlfriend has never forgiven her father and has told me she hates cheating so much and she would never forgive anyone who cheated on her.

Because of this I decided to shoulder the guilt and not cause her any pain, but this caused me emotional
problems. I couldn’t look her in the eyes, and felt ashamed when we were together. I became cold and she couldn’t understand why and became unhappy. 8 months after cheating, I decided the right thing to do was to break up with her, because I felt I mustn’t love her enough or I wouldn’t have cheated.

Several months later she phoned me one night to tell me how much she missed me and could I call round to her house for a chat. The truth is I missed her too. We met up a few times as friends and eventually we
fell in love again.

A year on, things have been good and we are talking about marriage and stuff, but my one-night stand is
still playing on my conscience, though not as much as before.

I know I can shoulder the guilt now but is that the right thing to do? Part of me wants to be honest and confess before we do get married, so that she knows absolutely everything about me and doesn’t think I’m a perfect angel. But part of me knows it would hurt her so much and could spell the end of our relationship.

Thanks for reading this, and any advice will be most welcome.

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