Dating is complicated and just meeting people can be hard, but let’s face it, first dates are the worst. Whether you met someplace random, online or were set up by friends, that first meeting is filled with anxiety, doubt and mystery. People often wonder what women are thinking, but what about the guys? This is a list of what men are thinking on their first dates.
The girl’s first impression is important, but even a bad initial impression can be overcome. The challenge is “the game” often played by one or both on the date. The ability to translate opinions and how compatible someone may be is important. Is there meaning behind the clam chowder she ordered? Does she always order dessert? What about that ex-boyfriend? She seems to bring him up a lot. Will this continue, or worse, if we have a relationship will my name also be dragged through the mud after we split? Also, let’s be honest here, physical contact matters and depending on your style, you may be expecting sex sooner than later.
What you will find are a few predictable thoughts a guy is having, a few surprises and the really obvious one (yes, we’re talking sex again)! Like Salt N’ Pepa said, “Let’s Talk About Sex” as well as nine other items guys are really thinking on first dates.
10. How much is this going to cost?
Regardless of your bank balance, this one is always in the back of the guy’s mind. Of course, this is really dependent on the guy and to be honest it’s also dependent on the restaurant. If she orders the lobster, some may wince while others will nod approvingly assuming she washes it down with three equally expensive glasses of wine. Also, keep in mind that a girl who orders a more expensive meal could be more compatible and doesn’t skimp; essentially she prefers cocaine over heroin and that may be a good thing. Different strokes for different folks, but keep in mind that regardless of what you order, he’s thinking about it. Even heroin girls cost money you know!
9. How selfish is she?
A date should be a shared experience, so if the girl is making it all about her that’s typically not a good thing. If she dominates the conversation with personal stories about herself chances are the guy is not going to be impressed. Unless the dude is also really into himself – they call that a match made in heaven. If the girl is a bragger, it’s best if she sticks to a couple of stories and then attempts to listen. You don’t need to overly impress, this is just a guy. Braggers are only acceptable when the guy is just trying to hook up; it works well because there’s a good chance he won’t even be listening to half of what the girl is saying. Unless you tell the story about the time you participated in a gang bang; that may get his attention.
8. Is she ever going to stop talking?
Similar to the selfish girl, but potentially worse, is the girl who never stops talking. Even quiet or shy guys don’t want a non-stop talker at the table; they are also at the table and probably have something to contribute. You can write this off as nervousness, but sometimes an uncomfortable silence is okay (just ask Mia Wallace). Understood a good story is a great ice breaker, but Tony Soprano said it best when he said “Remember when…” was the worst conversation. Live in the moment and instead of reliving your past, make that night memorable. And if you are just too nervous to let the conversation flow naturally? One word: tequila. It has never failed.
7. What first date rules does she have?
Does she sleep with or even kiss first dates? This is actually a great conversation starter, just rip down the fourth wall and “get real” with each other. It’s a humorous discussion once you get into each other’s minds and a chance to really learn how the other lives life and how open they are to new experiences. You may find she used to not kiss, but now struggles keeping her hands off her first dates during dinner. This is the best case and may not always be the outcome, but if the phrase “hand job” does appear in the first thirty minutes of a date, I once again will suggest tequila.
6. Am I good looking enough?
We know a lot of girls are insecure about their looks, but this applies to guys as well. After all, the girls are the pretty ones; we’re pretty much just monsters looking for a mate. It’s important you find something about us attractive; it doesn’t have to be the full package, but enough to look past the flaws. Guys are vain and insecure and as much as women worry about how they look, guys are worried about their hair lines, food stuck in their teeth and their choice of shirt. Girls, if you are into a guy or at least not an awful person, remember to throw them a bone. “I like what you have done with your sideburns” may be a backhanded compliment, but most of the time we’ll take it.
5. Why is she going out with me?
Back to guy’s insecurity complex, we are often curious why a girl would even consider going out with us. Again, you are the pretty ones, we are the monsters. We all hope we are bringing something to the table you are interested in, but it’s a thought always lurking. A lot depends on how you met; if it’s a blind date this may be a real concern. The worst are the truly paranoid men who suspect ulterior motives or payback for a favor. I guess the absolutely worst thought is that she lost a bet. There’s nothing like bringing you back into high school anxiety mode. Man, high school was really the worst.
4. How boring (or not boring) is she?
This is dependent on the guy’s tolerance for boredom or excitement. If someone only discusses television and you are into rock climbing, a possible deal breaker may in the air. Are you interested in what she has to say? Is there any common ground? Another example is if you are used to having a couple drinks, but she doesn’t drink. Of course the flipside is equally true if you don’t drink and she’s drinking and smoking like a sailor. That could be a turn off and means she is not boring enough for you. If you fall into the latter category, beware of tequila. It is not your friend in this situation.
3. Does she always dress like this?
How a girl dresses on a date is a big deal, especially if it doesn’t mesh with your “type.” If the guy is not an uptight conservative, a girl dressed like she’s going to church isn’t going to sit well. Guys don’t want their date to look boring. However, he may like the girl with her skirt hiked up to her waist. Hell, a lot of guys prefer this look, so I’ve heard. It can’t be easy to find the balance between sexy and respectable, but guys take notice and will continue to notice as the night goes on, especially if the skirt is hiked up. We can’t help ourselves.
2. Do we have anything in common?
Assuming you are looking for something longer than one night, this may be the most important thought on a guy’s mind. There needs to be some type of common ground. Women tend to be pickier in this area, but men also need something, anything. “Oh, you like television too?” Potential match, we should date again! Sometimes you really “hit it off” and obviously this is the best. “Oh, you like it when giraffes wear hats and nod your way too?” Match made in heaven! People like strange things, if you are lucky enough to find someone who thinks like you, consider yourself lucky. Of course for guys, even if you have nothing in common, you may not be ready to throw in the towel just yet…
1. Am I going to get lucky tonight?
Sex on the first date is never out of the question. Okay, often it is, but it’s at least a possibility. Guys with game and experience have more luck in this area, but it’s still up to the girl. How many dates does it take before she sleeps with a guy? Is there anything that could be said or done to speed up this process? Is the fact that she ordered the lobster a sign? Pretty much everything leading up to this point gets rolled up into the “Am I going to get lucky” question. Should you have an inkling it could happen I suggest you introduce her to your good friend, tequila.