#The Blunts: who has more control/say in a relationship,  Man or woman? S01. E03

​Good morning folks

Fact for the Day: Chocolate, sex and laughter are all key to a healthy brain.

PREVIOUSLY ON #THEBLUNTS:  why hasn’t a bill being passed against child marriage?


Topic of the Day: who has more control/say in a relationship,  Man or woman?


Jasmine: To me…. Both the man and woman do. 

CHRIS: A relationship is a broad concept, there are all kinds of human relationships today. The marital relationship is one, heterosexual relationships, mutual friendships, acquaintanship etc. They all have their degrees and measures but for the heterosexual which is a relationship between a man and woman, unity is forged in the agreement, compatibility that exist between them. Only the marital relationship has an order where the man is the head and the woman subordinate to him. But all others are primary experiences of that. The first thing to understand about heterosexual relationships that’s not yet marital is the agreement that should exist between both parties. Since there isn’t any pre-nuptial agreement, both parties will have mutually agreeable terms. One would be wrong to say in such a situation where no pre-nuptial contract exist that a man controls a woman or a woman controls a man. They are both equals at this stage and can only build principles to work with that could resemble a marital relationship but it is usually not binding in terms of its oficiality. What I mean is, whatsoever the man can do in that type of relationship, a woman can do the same. Whether it be in financial commitments, emotional, psychological, social, spiritual, physical, ideological etc. This plays out in so many ways. The only time in a relationship where control exist and is held by either of the spouses is in a marital relationship. That relationship has a pre-defined order by God that commits the control to either one. The man is naturally, authoritatively the head of the union; he calls the shots and administers his role to the compliance of his wife. She is his body. From the neck to the toes. As the neck she must always agree with what her head(husband) wants to be in tandem with him. And her husband(head) will have to trust her to allow her control him as the neck. How it works is that the synergy of order where he gives directives is interpreted by her the neck and she carries it out. Have you seen any human-being with a neck that refuses to turn where the head wants? No. So, that’s marriage for you. It is a strict order of headship between a man and a woman. For boyfriend and girlfriend like I explained earlier, there is no pre-nuptial agreement and such a relationship is still a friendship and it has no pre-defined order except for rules that both the guy and girl erect for themselves. Cos without rules in any relationship, that relationship will not survive but what you will have is lawlessness and that is not productive. Furthermore, women are very emotional creatures compared to men. In a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship, their(women) nature often times make them appear needy and this requires a lot of sacrifice from their boyfriends. Men are a one way street.. Easily predictable and women know this and could manipulate a mans nature to her benefit. This often leads to a battle of the sexes in this level of relationship but once they cross over to a marital relationship, Gods rules of order becomes the standard. Its either they comply to make the marriage work or carry on like in pre-marital times and destroy the union. Its up to them at this point. In conclusion: control between a man and a woman is not definite except in marriage where the man is the will-giver and the woman controls his will to achieve sustainable results. Thank you.

TEE-JAY: The word control is could be called a misnomer of sorts in this situation you put down. I would have preferred that you used influence.Control in relationships of any form should belong to no-one.  I am of the strong opinion that a partnership brings out the best in the relationship.  However in our present day,  we can see that even in friendships, every party is striving for control. This because they want to be seen as a person of repute and influence.

GHOST: You can also rephrase the topic has : who has more say I  a relationship,  who decides the continuity of a relationship,  the “control”  shldn’t be taken literarily. 

CHRIS: Whatever semantics you bring to the table, the point here is a battle of the sexes. And I rightly pointed out that no form of relationship should exist without rules cos where there are no rules, you’ve got anarchy to deal with. And this applies to all types of human relations. Only the marital relationship is exempted cos it has its own exclusive standard set by almighty God who established the union of marriage in the first place. All others should have rules but not like the marital as they’re only experiments of mutual co-existence between people.

GHOST: you are saying both sex should have mutual say,  are you saying there should be gender equality in relationships?

CHRIS: In some of my broader works on relationships, I argued that relationships are agreements between people.. A sort of partnership that Teejay explained above and is in all-wise applicable in all senses whether its a relationship with an organisation, person or thing. Sure. Excluding the marital one. You don’t have gender equality in a marital setting, you have a true authoritarian order set by God.But it isn’t lawless just because the husband is the head of the home, there are principles everly to work with to maintain that mutual co-existence.In any other relationship excluding the marital one, there should be gender equality like I explained earlier because there isn’t any pre-nuptial agreement but its only a friendship agreement that’s mutually exclusive.

GHOST: All through the ages women has being seen has complicated, complex, full of contradiction and difficult to understand. Will gender equality assure you of an healthy relationship?

TEE-JAY: While I may be inclined to agree with Chris,  I may also be inclined to disagree. We live in a world where our ancestors have been criticized for placing the male sex above the females in every aspect of life. Just pointing that out o…

MICHAEL_GHOST: If truely there should be gender equality in relationships,  why is it that only 10% of people like to marry their age mates?  While 90% of women prefer older men because they feel they are suppose to be submitive &  they find it hard to be submitive to an equal  someone on the same level as them. Women love to be controlled because they know they are unpredictable and capable of relationship disaster at times,  they need someone to put them in check. 

CHRIS: Our ancestors didn’t institute marriage Teejay, God did. Let them criticise God if His ways are unpopular to them, who cares.

MICHAEL_GHOST: Equality is different from equity [Another topic for another day], I beg to differ,  I think a man should have an upper hand in a relationship,  it doesn’t have to be control though. Gender equality is what has put most of our celebrities out of their marriage,  they believe they have equal right has the man, so they tend not to do the normal house chores. 

CHRIS: Yeah, women are complicated, complex, contradictive, difficult etc. But gender equality holds ground on the basis of friendship where to people are equals. Would you like to be friends with someone who thinks, acts, behave superior to you? I don’t think so. Friendship is equality and that’s where gender equality stems from. So, whether women are this or that, friendships must have agreements in equality to thrive.

CHRIS: That’s the thing bro @ Michael. I explained that only the marital relationship is without gender equality. So, these celebrities carry-on thinking that marriage is mere boyfriend and girlfriend not realising that marriage is an order where a man is head and the woman subordinate to that. Marriage doesn’t work for them cos they regard the ways of the institutor of marriage which is God. If you follow His principles for marriage, it will work for you undoubtedly. Smiles.Marriage has nothing to do with age but maturity. Women who don’t want to settle with their age-grades as opposed to the ones who have preference for older people are not morally inclined for marriage. Marriage isn’t about age or what one prefers but an order which has its prescription from almighty God. Let me say this.. Marriage is the only institution where its practise rules are given by God exclusively. Marriage won’t work as long as someone else thinks it differently from God.The only time a man should have an upper hand in a relationship is in marriage, I explained that earlier. Any other type of relationship is friendship based and so cannot practise the principles of marriage. Friendship isn’t marriage Mike.

MICHAEL_GHOST: 89% of women consider gender equality has the man doing the same thing the wife is doing and vice versa…  Now see in the past we had more families than broken home  and at most it becomes a polygamous family, Nothing like gender equality then.. Now, of recent times we have more broken homes,  single mothers and baby mamas everywhere,  they are successfully corrupting the young ones giving them wrong definition of gender equality.

CHRIS: Smiles. Gender equality is for friendship bro not marriage. Marriage cannot practise gender equality, that’s not Gods will for marriage. That’s why I rightly explained that gender equality is only obtainable in friendship between a man and woman.For equity, a marriage has equity as its checks and balances in the values between a man and woman but equality of the sexes corrupts its practise as God has declared, a man is the head of the home and a woman the body which begins from the neck to the toes. In your own human configuration, your head is superior to your body, that’s how it works.

MICHAEL_GHOST: So you agree that men should have an upper hand In a relationships &  marriages?

CHRIS: Only in marriage bro not relationships. There’s a huge difference.Men have the upper hand only in marriage.And women these days with all their new social identities as baby mamas, single mother, single parents etc are just fallouts of their degenerate lifestyle. That isn’t based on gender equality. If people will practise right principles of life, a friendship won’t eject social disgraces as pre-marital sex and single parenthood, they’d understand that they should wait till they’re married to some guy before having children for him. And when they do get married, they’d submit to his leadership. So, its more of a decline in moral standard and socio/cultural ethos of the people.Furthermore, if a woman wants a man to have the upper hand with her, then she should get married to him. As long as they aren’t married, no one has the upper hand.

TEE-JAY: Chris has a point with his last statement. There is a statistical likelihood for a girl to marry a male with upper hand as her stipulated.

GHOST: You said upper hand should be practiced by a man, only in marriage,  I was about to agree but i came to think of it..  The way you treat your woman before marriage is reason she decided to marry you,  take for example,  you always pamper your girlfriend before marriage,  she doesn’t little chores then you eventually marry her,  obviously she would have more chores to do as wife she is not used to it,  and starts complaining you were not like that before. What will you do who is to blame.

CHRIS:  Ah, Michael my bro, I explained that in friendship between a man and woman, what they have between them is a will to agree as to how they want that friendship to be. From very important things to the very least, but the minute they get married, both of them will understand that things have changed and they cannot be equal anymore but some being above the skies has established new rules for their relationship advancement to marriage, so understanding will be required by the both of them to face marriage differently from their previous friendship as they’re not the same type of relationships. Marriage does not mean that both the man and woman will cease from romance or partnership of any kind but what marriage says is that this partnership will have an order where the man has the upper hand and the woman submissive to that. And this upperhand by the man is in wisdom cos he didn’t marry a slave so nothing should stop the cordiality, love, friendship, mutual concessions between them, only that someone among them takes the lead(and that’s the man). That’s why marriage is different from a mere boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Hollywood or celebrities don’t do well in marriage cos they think that they can bring in gender equality that used to exist in their boyfriend/girlfriend relationship into marriage, if anyone does that, disaster awaits- then they say that relationship is complicated whereas they’re the complicated ones who don’t realise that every form of relationship has its guiding principle particularly marriage. Smiles.

BOSE: Both has control ova d relatnship, it is equal rite. 

CHRIS: Furthermore, marriage isn’t slavery. Who says a man can’t do chores or share in family responsibilities? Having the upper-hand is not oppression but love, a love that guides the weaker sex and not exploit her. So, Mike, men and women need understanding to know what marriage is and how they play things out.

Bose: Yes Miss Ademi, excluding the marital one. Marriage isn’t about equal rights but equity.

BOSE: I agree wit you Chris. 

CHRIS: Thank you Miss Ademi.

GHOST: I’m lost somewhere though,  when a man breaksup,  it’s easy for him to forgive his ex-girlfriend and accept her back but when it’s a girls turn the moment they they are done, it’s over,  nothing changes their mind why is that?

CHRIS: Smiles. Cos women are more emotional than men. Its as simple as that bro.

GHOST: Bose you said you agree with peace over equal rights in a relationship,  Chris also buttress the point that a man must have upper hand in a marriage do you also agree with that?

GHOST: @chris, I tort the one who easily forgives is the emotional one,  I did not know it’s is the strong minded one that is the emotional one. Talking about men having upper hands in marriage,  let’s face the fact there are lots of abusive marriage in Nigeria. Visits mushing or island where men beat there wife,  in the name of man of the house.

CHRIS: Yeah, correct bro.

GHOST: Since bose won’t fight for gender equality in marriage,  I would try my best to stand for the ladies till we have more ladies here. Most women keep ranting there should be gender equality in everything.

CHRIS: Smiles. True bro @ abusive marriages in Nigeria caused by lack of understanding if the role of marriage and the frameworks that make it work. Both couple are to blame for that. And its not just a Nigerian problem but a global problem. I rightly said that marriage can only work successfully when a man and woman subscribe to the principles set my marriages originator which is God. Any other will fail. Whether it be counsel from Oprah Winfrey or Ellen degenerens etc. Their counsel can bring no solution at all but will further plunge couples into the sphere of gender equality in marriage which is rubbish. Gender equality is good in a certain political/social/economic sense but its forbidden by God in a marriage setting. So, they should carry their gender equality elsewhere but not in marriage. Smiles.

BOSE: Yes! men should have upper hand in marriage because  they are the head even though  the woman can suggest to the man but men should have the final say. This is not about being partial , its the fact even other ladies will also agree wit that. 

CHRIS: Perfect Bose. About men beating up their wives, that’s a criminal act not an upper-hand act. Only ignorant, criminal minded men with very weak temperaments beat women.

BOSE: Fanx Chris. 

CHRIS: If I were president of Nigeria, I will lobby the National Assembly to pass legislation that imprison men for up to 10years that beat women up.

MICHAEL: I’m not in support that other ladies will agree,  oya go mushin,  go ask woman who is suffering from marriage abuse whether gender equality is necessary in marriage and see her reply.

BOSE: The  fact that men is the head does not call for marriage abuse… They are both different. So you think equal right will reduce marriage abuse mike?

CHRIS: Mike, we can be sentimental about gender related talks but the fact remains that marriage is sacrosanct to these things and its criminal for a man to beat up a woman whether he is married to her or not. Let us call crime by name when we see it and call marriage by name when we see it.

GHOST: [in response to bose]  No,  but it will call for self respect,  look at abroad, a man is the head of the house but a woman is protected,  u can’t beat a woman or divorce her any how without facing the law,  no law is protecting the ladies her In our country. Men are free to do as they like.

CHRIS: We don’t have state incursion to marriage here in Nigeria cos we have cultural values in Nigeria. That’s not saying that legislation that protects women against marital violence and rights to fallout benefits is wrong cos in the states eye, married couples are just individual entities but in Gods eye they’re joined. Equal rights can never solve marital problems, never. Cos there isn’t any example where it succeeded before. What brings marital stability is when a man loves his wife like himself and the woman submits to that love. Simple. Take your human configuration for example, your head isn’t equal with your body. If anything, your body is larger than your head yet your head controls the body through the brain, that’s how marriage works too.

[jude joins the conversation] 

JUDE: Good morning, Wow! I am impress with all the comments on this topic and personally I am learning. 

CHRIS: The woman is every part of the body including the neck. Now, the body is larger in size than the head but when the body gets to the neck, it narrows itself which makes the head bigger at that point. Its the same thing with marriage, the woman is complex, complicated, but in marriage as the neck, she narrows her self to fit into the man who is the head in submission, obedience and respect. That’s how it works. So, you see Mike, gender equality isn’t designed for marriage.

CHRIS: You’re most welcome Jude Daniel.. We are all learning here a great deal.

JUDE: I have always been in love with feminist, because I hate cheat, Sometimes I feel I could just shoot a man for hitting his wife. 

CHRIS: I share your sentiment Jude.. Men are idiots for doing that. Its only when it comes to women that they suddenly have a pugilistic attraction, if they’re so in the mood to beat anybody, they should engage in professional boxing.Feminism is cool, but it has a limit in marriage as women can’t be equal with men in marriage, that’s not how God intended marriage to be.

JUDE: And if a lady feel she can get married to a guy a same age with her… She Is not inclined to be a wife.. Because she haven’t understand what love it.. If age was a big deal… The creator of marriage which is God would have let Adam spend good number of years before he created eve his wife.

CHRIS: Yeah, I agree completely Jude. Correct.

JUDE: It a beautiful thing to understand gender equality wen it comes to relationship… Point learnt today… Gender equality is only practice in every relationship aside marriage because it a mutual feeling the both parties exhibit, no one is above d otherl.. And I believe if people understand this, the snowball would continue to roll smoothly, marriage is a commitment, and not just any mutual feeling, it is one that require a great deal of understanding differences, that the man is the man and woman have to be in acknowledgement to that… Life itself is an order.. If you cease to follow it, you definitely going to flop….  Nice one today. 

CHRIS: Wow. Great attestation Jude. You just nailed it there.

JUDE: Sometimes I just have to hold my dictionary:mrgreen::mrgreen::mrgreen::mrgreen: because of you, CHRIS. 

JUDE: you see I have always been a guy that hate anything culture.. I distaste it.. Because there are some practice that are just so absorbed, so times I wonder why a man is so much of a high commodity than a woman, you see a man open his mouth and tell his wife that if she does not give him a male child, he would divorce her or get married to a second wife,  now my point off this is base on experience from my neighbor, and I begin to wonder if he really did biology in sch for him not knowing men are responsible for the sex of a child…  What would you say of such men….  Getting a second wife really worth it? Where is the love for his wife… Wastebasket I guess? 

CHRIS: You’re right Jude. Culture only profits when it supports common sense and righteous beliefs. Men are so ignorant and most times its an absurdity not related to culture but the ideology and thinking identity of such a man. Is it rocket science to know that a man is responsible for the XY gamete that meets with the female XX to form a zygote which becomes a male child. Furthermore, only ignorant men who live for the moment don’t understand that there’s no special importance a male child has over a female child. That’s just broad-base ignorance on men’s part. In Christ Jesus, there is neither male nor female to prove that God has created a new specie of people called born-again Christians that are neither male nor female spiritually. An account of one of the Apostles in the bible has it that he had 4 daughters who prophesied mightily before the Lord. So, men have got no excuse for their weak preference in character of male children over their female counterparts. A man who isn’t worthy to be a husband will get a second wife for something as foolish as “I don’t have a male-child.” Such position also proves that the man has no love for his wife one bit. So, Jude, its not worth it to get a second wife. I’ve always said that one’s culture isn’t the authority to life but righteousness that comes from Gods word. People may say my position is bigoted, dogmatic but who cares, I know whom I’ve believed and I’m persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.Infact, Jude, such a man is only looking for an excuse to leave his wife. I’m sure he has found one damsel somewhere he is dating and plans to marry because frankly speaking, such nonsense as “I’m leaving you cos I don’t have a male-child” is rubbish!

JUDE: Yea you nailed it right on the head. 

CHRIS: Smiles. Thanks bro, we did.

[Benita-hindan joins the crew, and the second lady of the crew.]

MICHAEL: Welcome Benita-hindan to the Blunts. 

BENITA-HINDAN: HI. 

CHRIS: Benita-hindan welcome to #Theblunts

JUDE: welcome to #Theblunts. 

MICHAEL: Our Topic of the Day: who has more control/say in a relationship,  Man or woman?

TEE-JAY: Good evening Benita,  you are welcome.

BENITA: First and foremost.. a relationship is the coming of two people,a man and a woman.. who have lovely feelings for eachother and feel they need to explore and grow in love. Enough said on what a relationship means. A man anywhere any day in our society most especially in africa happens to be the head.. be it in causal relationship or love me I hate you relationship (lol young lovers this days will like to refer it that way) now it depends on how this relationship started. I don’t want to sound like a selfish woman. Okay. It depends on the kind of individual basically too… some people possess a controlled character…so when you’re in a relationship with that kind of person, they will keep controlling in that relationship no matter the circumstances… I prolly just think “men” as a whole controls a relationship. You know what they say when they start arguing “I’m the man, the head of the house, I control this relationship, you have no say in this” bla bla even go extra miles saying women need to be submissive.. you know obey her man.  But that’s another topic for anotheranother day. 

MICHAEL: Miss Benita do you support Mr chris in his speech,  he stated that a man should have more say in a marriage not a relationship?

BENITA: I agree, A relationship is all about sharing ideas don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you can’t do this in marriages too. For example… you’re using someone else stuff.. you consider, you’re extra careful not to spoil it. But when its finally yours… you can do whatever you want to do with because its yours.. you are in charge. You either make it or break it. 

MICHAEL: What will  you now say about those who suffer physical abuse in marriages, in the name of “man of the house always have the control of the marriage”?

BENITA : You’re actually dragging this to another topic entirely sir. 

MICHAEL: no

TEE-JAY: Let’s not confuse words here. Control is totally different from abuse. While a man can be said to control the house,  he must not abuse his position in any way.

MICHAEL: It’s not another topic yet,  most women in villages that believe man should have all the say are often  maltreated, not just physically, at times emotion.  Imagine this scenario; Now a man keeps coming home late at nite, his wife complains,  the man slaps her.  The man cheats on her,  the wife catches him but she can’t complain because she scared of being chased out of the house.  The wife’s comes back late from work very tired and she has not cooked,  she tries to explain to her husband,  the refuses and insists she must unless she wants to pack out..  Most married woman wish they can have a lil say in their marriages but then there no law to even back them up.

JUDE: true. 

CHRIS: I know its pretty late and this particular topic doesn’t seem exhausted yet.. However, I appreciate all the comments thus far.. Just a quick recap.. My stance is that marriage is not slavery and we should be able to identify crime when we see it and marriage when we see it. Marriage, like all forms of relationship is fallen.. So where a marital relationship has become an abusive one emotionally, psychologically, socially, physically etc such a union could be terminated. There are applicable laws in Nigeria that shun domestic violence of all sorts. So, an abusive husband or wife could face legal sanctions for such aberration. In a nutshell, I believe good men and women still exist who will hallow the sanctity of marriage. Best regards everyone.

MICHAEL
: I believe most of us have made our points from our own point of view,  in conclusion  should i say there is an agreement that a man should have more say/control in a marriage not in relationship.  Equity & equality can be exercised in a relationship and only equity should be practiced in a marriage.. If you don’t agree with what i have said so far please do correct me…  Or if you think all areas of this topic has not being covered, please feel free to speak /write out..

NEXT ON #THEBLUNTS:  which is better, Love or Lost?

If you have points to proove or you disagree with any of the above opinions, please share your views with us by commenting below…..

2 thoughts on “#The Blunts: who has more control/say in a relationship,  Man or woman? S01. E03

  1. Lolx equality in d sense dat d guy shud allow d lady have say in some matters not all matters dat d guy wud say am d head nd dats d final say oh boy if na bf nd gf matter i quit if d guy is too authoritative nd if is marriage mhen no comment oo buh d man go suffer small oo

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