Morning blunts: He broke ur heart afta dating him for 10year, bet wait shey u re foolish ni,how can u date someone for 10years..Una be Twins???
Now here is my question
Topic of the day: is it right to date a partner for more than 10years without marriage?
Bose: To me long relationship is not good . 3 – 4 yrs is ohk.. 10 is just too long but it happens in d situation whereby the partners have been dating right from secondary school days but if that’s not the case, it is hell no to be in a very long relationship. Good am here.
Katie: same, It’s wrong it isn’t right cus such relationships might not lead to marrige even if it does there wil be no peace in d sense that both parties wil always av issues with what one another did to them in d past.
CHRIS: Relationships are only as good as the pre-existing agreement involved and this agreement has no time limit- otherwise indicated by the parties to either consummate(marriage) or not. There is no time constraint to relationships, friendship etc. Its always up to the folks involved and not some general application. You can date someone for 20, 30 years. Its up to you. And you can date someone for as short as 1hr and get married to them the next minute to prove that it is always up to the people involved and not a general template of assumption or principle. The time factor prevalent in relationships is always dependent on the people. There are marriages that have faired well on short notice of courtship or long notice of courtship cos neither of these things determine the success of marriage but the right structural discipline the folks involved adhere to. There is no school of thought with a prescription for the measurement in time of relationships. Nothing like that. At best, any opinion proffered regarding this will be based on some personal tendency and not a fact. You can’t factor in time as the premise for a relationship success or failure. That’s out of place or a fallacy. Relationships are determined by the agreement and commitment the people involved bring to the foray. So, whether you date 10 years or 1hour, choice is yours to make. People who are dis affectionate in relationships or marriages and base same on the overall experience trajectory of the relationship is reason ignorance overwhelms many. Once the principles of marriage/relationships are practicalised, such can never accrue failure, not possible. That a lot fail and attribute same to the time factor of relationships doesn’t make it true. Its the shortcomings of their opinion at work and not a statue of general application. Relationships thrive where there is a working agreement, commitment, communication as to the end expectation of same and not the shortcomings of human frailty. So, date as long or as short as you want, your choice, but make sure that the governing principles to relationships are adhered to, to maximise its potential. As long as communication lines are open in a relationship, both couples will always do what’s best for them in the relationship. Marriage isn’t by force so it will take some proposal and an acceptance of same to make it a reality. Its in communication that one determines where the relationship is headed and whether both couples are on the same page. What is forbidden however is pre-marital sex in a non-marital relationship between heterosexuals. Otherwise, its up to the folks to determine when to consummate same or not. I mean, if a lady wants to get married cos women desire the conjugal relationship for so many reasons, she should let communicate same to her boyfriend. Same applies for a guy to his girlfriend. Its apathy for either of them to imply or assume that they’re both headed towards relationship consummation only to be disappointed in the long/short run. No one is a mind reader, communication is the only determinant besides pre-existing agreements as to the transparency of relationships.
Katie: yea, Chris you are right.
Jude: I don’t see anything wrong dating or for 10 years or above, if the relationship was not fulfilling, I am so sure it won’t get to that height it got, the number 1 key to a successful relationship is how this couple tend to communicate, it stipulate good communication,and making it a base in the relationship, else it will b susceptible to minor things, just like Ademi said, such long relationship could have definitely been built right from a tender age and was likely to pass through that first face of break up and make, I respect such relationship, and I believe it was communication and understanding that leads to such a distance, so I don’t see anything wrong because it is simply a choice, and choice are self made because any relationship that is not of marriage, is likely regarded as friendship with level of commitment, and this individuals can path ways at any given time wen it seems not to b fulfilling, only on the ground of marriage you stay for better or worst until adultery was initiated then a divorce could b filed… 10 years 20years or a month, it all boil down to the level of communication, so to me, it is never a bad idea to stay long dating or courtship. But yet staying long is no guarantee to the deal day, and making a happy family, my parent practice courtship for 4 months, and dey got married, yet their marriage have always been a blessing to them and the 6 of us..
CHRIS: That’s right Jude. Timing doesn’t matter at all in a relationship but understanding.
CHRIS: Whether the dating was as long as eternity or just a second ago, a relationship that will fail will fail and a relationship that will be successful will be successful cos timing isn’t a determinant but understanding which encapsulates all its ideals like commitment, agreement, communication etc. A marriage will be successful only if both parties abide by its structural discipline and not whether they’ve known each-other for a long time or a short time. Its dependent on the people involved. There isn’t any rationale to an ideal length for dating, courtship or friendship so marriage/relationships can’t be based on timing.
Jude: Wen I was in school, my roommate was 28, he was the oldest, we were 3, he said he have been with his babe right from secondary sch, he was her senior with 2 class… And dey started wen he was 20, she was 17, any time she call we are like… Lucky your infinity woman is calling oooo, I admire dem, even with the distance relationship, she was here in Lagos while we schooled in delta.
CHRIS: Enough case study proves that timing isn’t proof of relationship credibility or stability. I had a girlfriend for 8 years, we broke up the 9th year. How about that. My parents never courted for up to a year yet it didn’t stop the heartbreak. See. Timing is no determinant. This things aren’t predictable so timing is immaterial to a relationships credibility. Isaac and Rebecca in the bible didn’t have prior knowledge of each-other yet they were married till death. See my point. Timing never works but the agreement and communication involved in a relationship.
Jude: Sure Chris… It’s a choice, depend on communication and understanding.. And one being very good sexually is out of this.
CHRIS: Sex has nothing to do with this. Pre-marital sex only creates future problems for a relationship. Sin can never be a basis or pre-requisite for success.
Jude: Yea I am just only bringing a point out as must people might get a misconception to the couple staying for so long without marriage, you hear things like, he dey give am well well.
CHRIS: Even un believers that thrive in marriage despite offshoots of pre-marital sex etc do so only because the structural principles of marriage can be adhered to by anyone. Such a pass will be admired by both God and man despite the fact that a denial of Christ will lead to eternal damnation. And such a long standing relationship of sex is a sexual relationship that is purely mercantile; a business transaction between two people predicated on sex. A man’s love for a woman can never be measured by sex so women that think a man loves them cos he engages in pre-marital sex with them is delusional.
CHRIS: Cos love is not sex. Love is not an emotion. Love is not a feeling. Love is simply a commitment. And women are so emotional, so they think sex is love. Sex for a woman is very different from sex for a man. Men don’t need emotions to have sex. Its purely a desire or appetite like the same he gets when eating Ogbonno and pounded yam or Egusi soup. Sex is simply an appetite for a man and reason being that his fallen nature is predisposed to sex after a commandment by almighty God to him(man) to replenish the earth. So, between his desire and replenish the earth, God inserted the marital institution in the middle so that for him(man) to get to the other side of replenishing the earth, he(man) must get married. That’s the only way. Which is why James Bond the Ian Flemming novel and movie character will have sex with a woman and kill her the next second cos it is purely a fallen carnal nature of man. Smiles. It has no love attached to it.
Jude: Very blunt Chris. You said it all.
CHRIS: Yeah, thanks bro. No offence meant to the ladies though, truth be told.
Jude: They would definitely admit to that.
Katie: Jude n Chris u all dig it down, Av been kinda sick for twodays now. But u both av don’t Grt justice to d topic. God bless u.
CHRIS: Yeah, you too Katie.
To be continued……..